Music Elitism and the Search for God

    So I start by saying that I had an old friend that started dating a bassist in a semi well known local screamo band and went Hollywood on us! In the aftermath of the friend breakup, one of our shared friends revealed some things she said about me behind closed doors. What was the silliest was the direct quote “I love Flora but, god, she is such a poser.” And after getting got like that I feel as if I need to issue a public notes app apology on my Instagram. Holy crap. One of my favorite things about her was when I would put on one of my playlists she would look at me with this majorly maternal look in her eyes and say, “wow you like all the music I liked in the sixth grade!”… We are nineteen. 

    So the funny thing is:

I have never listened to emo music until, I'm not sure, October of last year? So I have probably 4 months of emo music under my belt. Before then, it was new wave, cold wave, dark wave, goth rock, death rock, and then some indie, alternative, and classic heavy metal. Now I haven’t forsaken my past, but I will say I have strayed pretty far. I was upfront with Ms. emo about the fact that I am new to the whole sub genre and asked her if she wanted to give me any recommendations, I would be just freaking overjoyed. Not once did I get a song or band from her, probably because she didn't want a poser infiltrating her new, awesome boyfriend’s band. 

    I mean I knew music elitists existed before her but I don't think I've really ever encountered any, (except for a chronic one-upper of a freshman I knew in my senior year of high school). And it wasn't like I was walking around wearing Orchid T-shirts or Dystopia patches, or even more stealthily, in local merch of bands that I don't know. I wore a Told Not to Worry wristband that I bought at the second show of theirs I saw. Every time she spotted it, she would show me hers, a much older, thinner-banded, black wrist band and compare it to my 4-month-old lime green one. 

    Anyway, although it may sound like I'm justifying or defending myself, I'm not! I'm doing my best to paint a picture. Is that girl a poser? Abso-Fruit-Ly not. But… is she insufferable to anyone forced to talk about music with her? Yes. 

    I had her and her little musician boo thing over my house just after the new year and I had Silk playing. Suddenly, I hear Ms. emo say “This song is ruined by the screams she does.” Which doesn't even make any sense! It would be a completely different song if they weren’t in it! (it was Amber Welts by Silk). I heard her say this from the other room and when I came back, they were chatting and the whole reason she said this, was because he had said first that he doesn't like the band much.

 

    I just have a hard time understanding what makes me a poser when she the one who folds in half and forgets her so-called “elite” music takes when a stupid bassist says a band isn't good. 

    What was ironic was that I always said “I love her but, god, she smokes too much weed." behind her back.

    Ultimately I think that's the explanation to elitism. It comes from a lack of a life. I’m not saying this from being bitter, either. This girl is nineteen, out of school, lives with parents, doesn’t work, and doesn’t have hobbies (besides going to shows). I think that has the ability to drive just about anyone a little insane. She enjoys sitting around, smoking weed, and assuming herself superior to her peers for listening to her bands with 500 monthly streamers. In this godless time, what are we supposed to do except find places where we excel. And no, I was never offended when she would make the comments about my liking of her middle school music, or when she would offer me the Oso Oso merch from when she saw them in the eighth grade, even though I can confidently say now that it was meant to demean me. Maybe I am a poser because I am not insecure about the fact that I don't really know anything about emo, I made fun of it for years before I got my heart broken enough to start to understand it. 

    What I have begun to understand even more is the fact that the most punk-rock, emo motherfuckers that you know go home to their condos with gardens in the heart of the city, and get mad that their step-moms don't let them smoke weed inside. 

    

    A lack of understanding sneaks up on us, all of us. We have lost our ability to empathize with one another. Yes, she's wealthy and I am not, yes, she lives with her dad and I do not, but also yes, I love myself and she does not. I have a hard time cutting her slack because of her economic position, because what is more punk rock than having daddy's credit card and no job? But ultimately, she is just as lost as you and I. Except I don't really feel lost at all and I haven't since maybe 16? So I guess she is more lost than you and I.

    And because of this, I have the ultimate privilege, much more than financial success, much more than freaking elite music taste. And I was still talking behind her back, too. At the end of the day, it’s not like either of us were saying things that weren't true.